To Each Their Own

 The Woman's March on Washington. First let me say that I was not, "against" the march. I'm not against any peaceful demonstration or protest. That's the beauty of living in the Unites States, we have the right to do that. Someone posted on facebook the reason's why they did not support the March. And then a blog link got posted written by a woman in rebuttal to the facebook post going around. So, I added my comments to the rebuttal. A rebuttal to the rebuttal. Or a rebut to the rebuttal. LOL.  My comments are in red.

You Are Not Equal. I’m Sorry.

A post is making rounds on social media, in response to the Women’s March on Saturday, January 21, 2017. It starts with “I am not a “disgrace to women” because I don’t support the women’s march. I do not feel I am a “second class citizen” because I am a woman….”

This is my response to that post.

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Say Thank You

Say thank you. Say thank you to the women who gave you a voice. Say thank you to the women who were arrested and imprisoned and beaten and gassed for you to have a voice. Say thank you to the women who refused to back down, to the women who fought tirelessly to give you a voice. Say thank you to the women who put their lives on hold, who –lucky for you — did not have “better things to do” than to march and protest and rally for your voice. So you don’t feel like a “second class citizen.” So you get to feel “equal.”

Thank Susan B. Anthony and Alice Paul for your right to vote.

Thank Elizabeth Stanton for your right to work.

Thank Maud Wood Park for your prenatal care and your identity outside of your husband.

Thank Rose Schneiderman for your humane working conditions.

Thank Eleanor Roosevelt and Molly Dewson for your ability to work in politics and affect policy.

Thank Margaret Sanger for your legal birth control.

Thank Carol Downer for your reproductive healthcare rights.

Thank Sarah Muller for your equal education.

Thank Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Shannon Turner, Gloria Steinem, Zelda Kingoff Nordlinger, Rosa Parks, Angela Davis, Malika Saada Saar, Wagatwe Wanjuki, Ida B. Wells, Malala Yousafzai. Thank your mother, your grandmother, your great-grandmother who did not have half of the rights you have now.

You can make your own choices, speak and be heard, vote, work, control your body, defend yourself, defend your family, because of the women who marched. You did nothing to earn those rights. You were born into those rights. You did nothing, but you reap the benefits of women, strong women, women who fought misogyny and pushed through patriarchy and fought for you. And you sit on your pedestal, a pedestal you are fortunate enough to have, and type. A keyboard warrior. A fighter for complacency. An acceptor of what you were given. A denier of facts. Wrapped up in your delusion of equality.

I Am Equal, I'm Sorry   
 

First of all, there is one thing we do agree on. A huge heartfelt and humble thank you to all the women you named. Women for which neither one of us would be where we are today. Though I'm not so sure how proud they would have been of this particular march. Of the lack of focus, or defined purpose. And the often side show look and feel of what so many of us saw of it. I have to wonder if some of those women you named, who fought in the past for what we have to day, would have been more embarrassed than proud. That your march might have made some of them feel more dishonored than honored. 

And thanks for the history lesson but we already know all this. We don’t take any of it for granted. We are absolutely and unequivocally grateful to all of the women who came before us and the sacrifices they made to get us where we are today. If you get nothing else out of anything I have to say, please at least get this; WE KNOW WE HAVE NOT ALWAYS HAD THE RIGHTS THAT WE HAVE TODAY. WE KNOW! AND MANY OF US HAVE LIVED IT!   I’ll repeat this again later in case you didn’t understand it this first time. 

You sit there on your pedestal, a keyboard warrior ironically calling out keyboard warriors ……. A twister of facts. Wrapped up in your delusions of the horrible oppressive inequality you feel you live under. So sad. Yes, I'm using your words to make my point. If I was using MY words I would just say we have different views on how to achieve  much of the same things and I would simply wish you luck with working it from your angle. After all, it's a free country. But, since you decided to be so much more melodramatic and condescending, I'll play along

You are not equal. Even if you feel like you are. You still make less than a man for doing the same work. You make less as a CEO, as an athlete, as an actress, as a doctor. You make less in government, in the tech industry, in healthcare.

You still don’t have full rights over your own body. Men are still debating over your uterus. Over your prenatal care. Over your choices.

You have plenty of good choices over your own body. Both men AND women are debating over your uterus. There are just some things that should not BE choices under most circumstances. Some of these debates that you feel are over your uterus are debates about right and wrong, they are not about your body. But that's a whole debate in and of itself.

You still have to pay taxes for your basic sanitary needs.

That all depends on where you live. 11 states don’t tax sanitary needs. And sanitary needs can pertain to men also. Diapers are taxable in many states and diapers aren’t just for female babies. Men use adult sanitary incontinence products and those can be taxable. There are all sorts of things that are taxed and likely should not be and things that aren't taxed that most likely should be and all of that depends on what state you live in. I really don't thinks it's some big conspiracy against women.

You still have to carry mace when walking alone at night. You still have to prove to the court why you were drunk on the night you were raped. You still have to justify your behavior when a man forces himself on you.

You will always need to carry mace when walking alone at night. At least until our law enforcement and justice system make some big changes.I'll address that in a later comment. Rapists are criminals and have mental/emotional health issues. You can’t march and protest away these issues. And you DO need to be accountable for your actions. Of course there is no excuse for a man forcing himself on a woman under any circumstance. But if woman gets so drunk that she doesn't even know what she did for a given period of time and for some reason that's ok, why would you hold a man to a different standard? Both parties need to be held accountable for their actions. Please women, take responsibility for your actions and teach your daughters and granddaughters to do the same.

You still don’t have paid (or even unpaid) maternity leave. You still have to go back to work while your body is broken. While you silently suffer from postpartum depression.

Many companies do offer paid maternity leave. If your company doesn't offer it, you can apply for FMLA if you are not physically or mentally capable of returning to work. You can't make a blanket statement like this as if no one in the US gets paid or unpaid maternity leave. We don't get a government funded and run or mandated benefits of this sort. But many people in the US do have theses benefits. And what about men? They are not treated equally in this. They are discriminated against here. Fewer companies offer paternity leave than offer maternity leave.

You still have to fight to breastfeed in public. You still have to prove to other women it’s your right to do so. You still offend others with your breasts.

You can breastfeed where ever you need to. There is no law against it. And you don’t need to hide in a closet. You don't have to prove anything to anyone. There are a lot of people that do appreciate a little bit of discretion if you can manage it. That’s just called respect. 

You are still objectified. You are still catcalled. You are still sexualized. You are still told you’re too skinny or you’re too fat. You’re still told you’re too old or too young. You’re applauded when you “age gracefully.” You’re still told men age “better.” You’re still told to dress like a lady. You are still judged on your outfit instead of what’s in your head. What brand bag you have still matters more than your college degree.

I don’t even know where to begin on this one other than to say do NOT be putting all the blame on men for this. Women objectify and sexualize themselves. Men play their role in this for sure but we are our own worst enemies when it comes to this. The standards we set for our selves in how we look or act or dress. When I look around me and see how so many women dress and act I am astounded at the double standard of it. If you flaunt it, it’s because you WANT to be noticed so don’t cry foul when you are. Do NOT be blaming men. If you want men to respect you, behave, dress and act in a way that earns respect. And that does not men dressing and behaving like a nun. Have some comment sense. And yes, there will always be men who are jerks and when you run into one, call them out on it and do what you need to do.  And who does not want to age gracefully? We all do. I hear the same comment aimed at men. That is not at all gender specific. Men are judged by what they wear just as are women. And seriously? I don't think anyone cares what brand bag you are toting around.

You are still being abused by your husband, by your boyfriend. You’re still being murdered by your partners. Being beaten by your soulmate.

 

Again, there is something mentally wrong with a man that abuses a woman. You can’t march or protest away mental health issues. No one is making you stay with an abusive husband or boyfriend. (Of course it's not that simple but ultimately that is the truth of it) And no one is beat up by their soulmate. That’s a contradiction of terms. 

You are still worse off if you are a woman of color, a gay woman, a transgender woman. You are still harassed, belittled, dehumanized.

Because gay and transgender or men of color have it so easy? Really, no one harasses, belittles or dehumanizes them? Someone should probably send them a memo on this as I’m not sure they are aware that only women of these groups are having issues with discrimination. 

Your daughters are still told they are beautiful before they are told they are smart. Your daughters are still told to behave even though “boys will be boys.” Your daughters are still told boys pull hair or pinch them because they like them.

 Well, not sure there is anything wrong with telling daughters they are beautiful. Or smart and I'm not sure it matters in what order she is told either. I do get where you are going with that statement but my suggestion is YOU tell YOUR daughter that she is smart if you feel that is what is the most important for her to know. You have a far bigger influence on her than anyone else. And yes, your daughter should behave. And yes, "boys will be boys" And no, that statement is not a free pass for any bad behavior. Boys need to be taught to behave also. Soooo..... why do boy's pull hair or pinch girls? Has there been some new scientific discovery I've missed? Teach your daughter she does not have to put up with any physical contact she does not like or makes her uncomfortable.

You are not equal. Your daughters are not equal. You are still systemically oppressed.

It's your right to have this opinion. Kind of a vague statement. Like the March, kind of a vague statement.

Estonia allows parents to take up to three years of leave, fully paid for the first 435 days. United States has no policy requiring maternity leave.

You can take 3 years off in the US to raise your children too. Or 5 or 10 or 18 for that matter. It’s called deciding to be a stay at home mom. I’m all for a certain amount of paid maternity AND paternity leave. But over a year? I mean do you want to work? Or raise your children? I wait, I get it, you want to get paid to raise your children. You don't want to have to make any hard choices or sacrifices. In any case Men are far more discriminated against in the paid leave issue. So when you say this is one of the women's equality issues you are marching in protest for? Equality to who or what? You already have more rights in this than men. Are we seeking equality with some other country? It's a good cause to a point but is it really an equality issue? 

Singapore’s women feel safe walking alone at night. American women do not.

 It's not just women that are safer walking alone at night in Singapore. EVERYONE is safer walking alone at night in Singapore. The crime rate is low in Singapore period. This has nothing at all to do with women being treated with more equality there than women here. And the main reason why crime rates in Singapore are generally very low is due to the severe penalties that are handed out for crimes that may seem petty to people from other parts of the world. It’s a highly debated topic around the world of the use of corporal and capital punishment in Singapore — although they are not used as often nowadays, Singapore is still not an opponent of these policies. So, if you were marching for women here because women are safer in Singapore, you were marching in the wrong parade honey. You need to find a parade supporting our beleaguered law enforcement because I’m pretty sure they are not so worried about police brutality in Singapore so our officers could use your support so we can be just like Singapore. 

New Zealand’s women have the smallest gender gap in wages, at 5.6%. United States’ pay gap is 20%.

Wages for what sort of jobs? Because this is a broad statement that would lead people to believe it was among all jobs and that is not so.  I know this hasn’t been true of the 3 union companies I worked for. There was a set pay for set jobs. Gender had no bearing. And this is also true of the non-union company I work for now. Only speaking of hourly wage earners when mentioning my personal experience here.  (not my words following) The 20% gap was accepted when cited by Washing Post’s Max Ehrenfruend who stated that “Women made 82 cents for every dollar men made in 2013,” giving credence to the idea that there is a massive gender pay discrimination. But, no serious researcher accepts that discrimination causes pay differences of even a fraction of that amount. Men tend to work longer hours, have more years of work experience, hold jobs that are physically and financially more risky, study college majors that are more earning-s oriented, and so forth. These kinds of figures aren’t just apples to apples and it’s bad journalism to cite them without making that point clear.  (How bad? Let’s say I wrote that “Blacks are X percent more likely to commit crimes than whites,” without also noting that blacks are more likely to be poor, live in cities, have poor quality educations, etc.? Now you get it.)

Iceland has the highest number of women CEOs, at 44%. United States is at 4.0%.

Keep in mind that in Iceland there are mandatory quotas for universities and companies. They have to accept/hire a mandatory amount of women whether they are qualified or not. Is that good or bad? What effect does that have on men and is it fair? Passing over a qualified man to give the job to an unqualified woman. Or even having two equally qualified candidates for a job and awarding that job to the woman simply because she is a woman? How does that advance the cause of equality? I do not want to be given I am not qualified for simply because I am a woman to fill some quota. THAT is NOT equality

The United States ranks at 45 for women’s equality. Behind Rwanda, Cuba, Philippines, Jamaica.

Well, guess that depends on your new’s source. USA today reports we rank 28^th  according to the World Economic Forum Global Gender Gap report. Out of 145 countries. But, 45th or 28th, it's still not 1st I guess.

But I get it. You don’t want to admit it. You don’t want to be a victim. You think feminism is a dirty word. You think it’s not classy to fight for equality. You hate the word pussy. Unless of course you use it to call a man who isn’t up to your standard of manhood. You know the type of man that “allows” “his” woman to do whatever she damn well pleases. I get it. You believe feminists are emotional, irrational, unreasonable. Why aren’t women just satisfied with their lives, right? You get what you get and you don’t get upset, right?

Oh I do get it. And I know you don’t want to admit it. You want to continue to be forever the victim. And you are wrong, I think it’s admirable to fight for equal opportunity. We don’t believe everything is perfect. We know there is more work to be done toward equal opportunity. It has nothing to do with being or not being classy or what type of man we do or don't like. As for the rest of your statement here…… you just kind of prove our point…… and no, we are not saying anyone should “just be satisfied with what they get”. Blessed IS the person that is truly satisfied with their life. But if you aren’t satisfied with your life, go out and “get” something different. None of us care if you do that. Or don’t for that matter. It’s your life. Go for it, work, achieve and have whatever kind life and man makes you happy. I am sorry for you that you seem to be stuck in this delusion of being so oppressed in this country that there is no way you can achieve what you desire. That you give so little credit to what was achieved by the efforts of all those women you named at the start of this post.
 

I get it. You want to feel empowered. You don’t want to believe you’re oppressed. Because that would mean you are indeed a “second-class citizen.” You don’t want to feel like one. I get it. But don’t worry. I will walk for you. I will walk for your daughter. And your daughter’s daughter. And maybe you will still believe the world did not change. You will believe you’ve always had the rights you have today. And that’s okay. Because women who actually care and support other women don’t care what you think about them. They care about their future and the future of the women who come after them.

And no, you don’t get it at all. You may be feel un-empowered, oppressed and like a second-class citizen. If so, I feel sorry for you. But your feeling this way doesn’t make it real or true. It’s just how you feel. And we are not marching with you because you have not given us a solid or definitive cause to march for in our opinion. I said I would repeat this just to make sure you understood so here it is: WE KNOW WE HAVE NOT ALWAYS HAD THE RIGHTS THAT WE HAVE TODAY. WE KNOW! AND MANY OF US HAVE LIVED IT!     I am not marching because I am busy working an equal job with men in a male dominated trade and getting equal pay as the men that I work with. And I fought to get there. I didn’t march around with a sign in my hand complaining about what I thought I didn't have. I got out there and fought for my rights. When I was told, “girls don’t need all that math”, I fought for my education and went to school and made up for what I wasn't given and went to school for electronics graduating 2^nd highest in my class. When I was told at my job that I could not be trained for certain jobs because “women don’t do that” I FOUGHT that inequality, I won, I was trained, I worked hard to be the best I could be and for quite a few of the years I did that job I was rated as a top performer. I became the first woman in my company to become a Mechanical Technician. A company that employs over 5,000 full time worker. I am out there every day fighting for equal opportunity and proving that I deserve the equal opportunities I have fought for and that were given to me by the sacrifices of the strong and brave women that came before me. I am proving their fight was worth it and paving the way for all the women that follow me because I care about them and their future and the future of all the women who come after me. You don’t need to define inequality to me. I HAVE LIVED it. I have FOUGHT for it. I have WORKED for it. I have helped PAVE the way for those that will follow me. So please pardon me that I did not go to your march.

Open your eyes. Open them wide. Because I’m here to tell you, along with millions of other women that you are not equal. Our equality is an illusion. A feel-good sleight of hand. A trick of the mind. I’m sorry to tell you, but you are not equal. And neither are your daughters.

Open your eyes and open them wide. I’m here to tell you, along with a million other woman that the equality you seem to be seeking is an illusion. Some feel good sleight of hand and trick of the mind. I’m sorry to tell you but it’s just not that bad here in the USA, or so much more perfect somewhere else. Also keep in mind that for many of us, our definition of equality is different than yours. We seek equal opportunity with men. We are not trying to be equal TO men in all ways.  I am not equal to a man because I am not a man. I don’t want to be a man. I am fundamentally different than a man. And men are not equal to women in all ways. In some things women are naturally superior to men. In some ways, we are not. Each and every one of us is individual in where we are on that scale.That goes for both men and women alike. I want and fight for the right to have the same opportunities as men. I don’t want special rights, I don’t want anyone to change the standards on jobs, dumbing it down intellectually or physically, just so I can qualify. I don't want to be given anything just to fill some quota. I simply want and expect equal opportunity. So I am out there fighting for it, and earning it and proving we are worth of the right to have it everyday.  

But don’t worry. We will walk for you. We will fight for you. We will stand up for you. And one day you will actually be equal, instead of just feeling like you are.

Do we think things are perfect? Of course not. Do we think there is more work to be done? of course we do. It's just we did not feel we could stand behind this particular march with the vagueness of it's cause that doesn't seem to acknowledge all the rights and equality we have earned and do have. Sorry if this offends you. But don’t worry, We will fight for you, We will actually go out there and keep paving the way for you while you are walking around with your sign under the illusion you actually represent us. And one day you will see you were equal all along

~ Dina Leygerman, 2017

FeminismGender EqualityWomens MarchWomen EqualityInequality